The arrival of a new baby brings exciting changes for the whole family, but it can also be a challenging transition, especially for older siblings. While parents are focused on caring for their newborn, older children may experience feelings of jealousy, anxiety, or confusion. For them, the new sibling may feel like a sudden shift in attention, and adjusting to this change can be difficult.
However, with the right approach, you can help your older child navigate these emotions and feel secure and included in this new family dynamic.
Struggling to adjust to a new sibling is normal
Right off the bat – having trouble adjusting to having a new sibling is totally normal. Your child could have any (or all!) feelings about having a new sibling.
Your older child might feel jealous – taking care of a newborn takes a lot of focus and energy for parents, and your child might be upset that they aren’t getting as much of your time and attention. Or they might be stressed or confused about the new dynamics of their family. Or your child might be thrilled at being a big brother or sister, eagerly demonstrating care and gentleness.
Even if your older child seems very excited about the new baby at first, it’s also important to recognize that those feelings could change over time. Make sure to consistently check in with your child and their feelings.
It’s also important to be careful with the interactions between your older child and newborn. Make sure they are being gentle with the newborn. Children will need extra supervision when around a newborn.
How parents can help older siblings
Helping your older child adjust to a new sibling involves creating opportunities for connection and providing reassurance during this time of change. Here are a few ways to help your child feel secure and included:
- Involve them in the baby’s care. With your supervision, allow them to hold the baby. Make sure to sit within arm’s reach. Helping to care for the baby can encourage the bond between the siblings.
- Ask your older child to show visitors the baby’s room. This can help them take on a leadership role and feel like they have a job in the family. In the room, they can point out any special stuffies, clothes, or pictures.
- Give your older child the opportunity to help. You might ask them to get a blanket, a diaper, or a pacifier for the baby. But make sure to avoid asking them to run too many baby errands.
- Set aside a special time every day just for your older child. Use that time to hold them, hug them, and talk with just them so they know they are still loved and an important part of your life.
- Be ready for some acting out. This transition is tough for your child and may lead to some frustrating behaviors or regression. Allow your child to talk about their feelings. Reassure them that they are loved. But set clear boundaries with any unsafe behaviors, such as hitting, kicking, biting, or rough play. Let your child know that it’s OK to feel upset, but certain behaviors aren’t acceptable.
Welcoming a new sibling can be a big adjustment for an older child, but with love, patience, and understanding, you can help them embrace their new role. By involving them in caring for the baby, setting aside special time just for them, and offering plenty of reassurance, you can ease the transition and create a supportive environment for your growing family. Remember that it’s normal for your older child to feel a range of emotions during this time, and with your guidance, they’ll soon adjust and thrive in their new role as a big brother or sister.